“This…corresponds psychologically to a dark state of disorientation. The decomposition of the elements indicates dissociation and the collapse of the existing ego-consciousness. It is closely analogous to the schizophrenic state, and it should be taken very seriously because this is the moment when latent psychoses may become acute, ie., when the patient becomes aware of the collective unconscious and the psychic non-ego.” – Jung, The Psychology of the Transference, Chapter 7.
With my experience nearly the entire month of December, I can relate. Ego-deflation now alternates with ego-expansion. Alchemy is my only roadmap. I watch myself watching the Watcher.
The young woman (in the dream) was rejoicing with me that she was over the roughest part of psychological growing up now. But at the same time she seemed to be trying to let me know that her life from here on in might not take the conventional paths of love-marriage-children and so forth. I could only hug her and in turn reassure her that it didn’t matter what forms the outer life took as long as individuation took place.
Of course I was embracing myself. Would that the dream was, in fact, indicating that the workings of Dissolution and Separation with even, perhaps, the beginning of Conjunction have begun….
The image that comes to mind is the Tarot Trump of “The Hermit,” the solitary pilgrim stepping onto the rocky unknown ahead of him. The lantern he carries casts more light for those who may be following behind him than it does for his own next, possibly treacherous, steps.
Traditional Tarot trump placement of The Hermit on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life places The Hermit on the path above Tiphareth (Beauty) heading toward Chesed (Mercy). Personal experience supports Colin Low’s feeling (in his digital book, “A Depth of Beginning”) that this solitary hike through the spiritual bewilderness of the emotions occurs much sooner than the lofty achievement of Tiphareth—”Christ-consciousness” in Jung’s system. Low’s placement of the stalwart pilgrim well below Tiphareth, on the path between Yesod, the astral or spiritual plane behind apparent material “reality”, and Netzach, the force-field of love, sex and emotion, strikes me as good a position as any to depict this rocky road.
Let this journal be my lantern, then, lighting the steps I taken on the Way, perhaps in the process even illuminating some signposts and footholds for others. But experience and knowledge tells me it will be of little use in lighting next steps for myself. At best, its reflected light may occasionally reveal the next stepping stone ahead of me, but if I rely on it I shall handicap my third eye in being open to the wisdom of the non-rational. I shall have to learn to depend on God and the Unconscious to show me the way forward and trust that Fate or Fortune will not intervene too drastically.
WHAT DO I BELIEVE? Derek asks. I presume to give me a base for understanding how much and what kind of motivation I have for even taking the time each week (each day?!) to maintain this journal of afterthoughts. And so I wrote down:
“I believe in showing others that it’s possible to…wake up to the divine in oneself, recover our original Self, and unite with the divine while still in this life and body.”
Well, I guess that’s some motivation.